Frustrated and Sorry and Selfish

I went to see a doctor today. I've been carrying a temperature since Sunday night, aching, and coughing. I have not been able to run or work. The visit was less helpful than I had hoped. I've had symptoms for over 3 weeks which make one think its bacterial, but because of a terrible training mishap on Sunday night (stranded in cold/rainy conditions for just under 4 hours in my running shorts) the doctor thinks this could be new and unrelated and viral. This means he prescribed antibiotics for me, but I'm not supposed to fill the prescription until Monday (If I stay sick) or tomorrow if I wake up feeling even worse.

I understand there is nothing he can do. And I know there is not a wonder-drug he can prescribe. But, its very frustrating to a runner to take days off during the peak of training. And, while I can stomach that, not being sure when I'll return is hard to take. If I was taking meds and expecting it to disappear by the weekend I could handle it a lot better.

Doc told me no running for 14 days. But, that's why I always wish that I could see a doctor that an elite runner would see. No way they would say that. I'll be back on my feet when the fever has gone.

I know I need to be strong, and patient, and that in the grand scheme of things my overall running won't be affected, especially all season long when you look how early we are into everything. But, I have a half, a 5k, a trail-10k and full marathon all within 8 weeks. I've paid to do them, to travel to them, to have a place to stay while racing, and now it might all be money lost. That's hard to stomach for a person without insurance living check to check.

Next time I write, I hope to have much better news to share. I'll certainly be sharing an article from the most recent Running Times when I'm feeling good enough to touch the scanner.

And I feel selfish complaining about being sick. It happens to everyone. The great champions I admire have dealt with broken bones while training and they've bounced back! I need to learn from them. But, I also have to explain that almost all of my decisions are based on how I can improve as a runner. I make sacrifices every day that make my life less fun in the short-term because I find the long-term payoff to be so sweet, and then in looking back I usually realize how much fun I had getting there. I guess I need to remember that there is no promise that hard-work will pay off in terms of faster times. If it was that simple, then it would make the amazing feeling that comes with improvement less exciting and special. It is very hard to keep that perspective and not feel owed a reward at the end.